by: Veronica Even
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord (that is, accept their guidance and discipline as His representatives), for this is right (for obedience teaches wisdom and self-discipline). Honor (esteem, value as precious) your father and your mother (and be respectful to them)- this is the first commandment with a promise- so that it may be well with you, and that you have a long life on the earth. (Exodus 20:12) Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger (do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them), but bring them up (tenderly, with lovingkindness) in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:1-4 AMP
I have been receiving so much from the book of Ephesians these past few weeks! Ephesians covers who we are in Christ, unity as a body of believers, spiritual warfare, and guidelines for living as a godly family. What I love about Chapter 6 is the clear set of instructions for members in a family that follow Christ. Here we see directions for both children and parents.
Paul addresses children first by reminding them of the 5th commandment out of the 10 Commandments. “Honor your father and mother, so that it may be well with you”. When children honor and obey their parents, they are taught wisdom and self-discipline! These traits are valuable and necessary for our children to grow into the men and women God has created them to be. As parents, it is our responsibility (with the Holy Spirit as our Helper) to foster and expect these traits in our children. Obedience is not optional- we must have the love for our children and the fear of the Lord to train them in obedience so they may reap the benefits of God’s promises.
Many times during a homeschool session, my son will want to do anything other than the tasks I’ve laid out for him to do for his instruction. All of a sudden, he’s “starving”, “so thirsty”, “too tired” or “having a hard day” and thus gives me all the reasons he can’t do school that day. However, my responsibility as a parent is to expect obedience so my child can grow and be trained in wisdom, self-discipline, and giving honor, for these are things that are beneficial and pleasing the Lord. I am actually setting my child back when I give in to his demands rather than train him up in the way he should go. Hold your ground in love, and train your children to be self-disciplined and wise!
The second portion of the above verses applies to parents. We are not to demand too much of our children or to provoke them. We are to bring them up with tenderness and lovingkindness in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. God had to correct my approach in trying to train obedience, wisdom, and self-control into my son. When he wanted to quit our lesson or I felt like he wasn’t taking his schooling seriously and was goofing off, I would push him and provoke him to the point of tears and him wanting to give up completely. The Lord showed me I needed to grow in wisdom and self-disciple! In trying to instill these values into my son, I wasn’t acting in them myself. I realized that I can have and enforce high standards while still having tenderness and lovingkindness- and that is exactly what our Heavenly Father does for us!
When my child wants to act contrary to obedience, wisdom, and self-discipline, I stop and ask the Lord for wisdom. The Lord made our children, and will reveal to us what motivates them to live in the traits outlined in Ephesians 6:1-4. For my son, he is motivated by rewards, positive affirmation, and the approval of other adults in his life. I’ll say things like, “Ok Charles, I’m sending a picture of your work to dad! Make it your best!” Or, “Can you show me your best work so I can show this to Grammy and Papa?” Or, “You may have a sticker on your sticker chart after you’ve completed your work to the best of your ability.” And then stick to your word! Be consistent in the methods the Lord shows you, and your children will learn from YOUR wisdom and self-discipline!
Lord, help us to have patience with our children as we take up the responsibility of training them in obedience that leads to wisdom and self-discipline. Give us the strength to not give in, but to stand firm in doing what is best for our children. Form us and shape us into the parents and teachers we need to be, not provoking our children to anger but bringing them up tenderly with lovingkindness in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Amen.
